ST Joe's Computer Hospice
We're sorry for your OptiPlex.
The fans are quiet now. The icons can rest.
— A friend in the wards
sorry your time is up
Main lobbydirectory
Rm 203 · Condolence cardFront entrance
condolence generatorwe're sorry for your OptiPlexshareable preview cardssorry your time is up
Card ministry
Condolence card
Pick a machine, shuffle a line, share the link. Group chats get a custom Open Graph preview — not just a boring URL.
Folding the card…
ST Joe's Computer Hospice · Wayfinding
More wards
You are here · Main lobby17 rooms
Still processing? Try a vigil, a DNR, or the memorial wall.
Intake & Triage
Level 1Sign in · assessment · on-call
- Rm 101Is it time?IntakeClinical flowchart. Miracle boots, Best Buy shame, ICD-PC stickers.Enter room →
- Rm 102Five stages of griefPastoralDenial through Acceptance — then a shareable stage diagnosis.Enter room →
- Rm 103Call DoctorOn-callIVR, hold music, Care+ cut-ins, voicemail to /dev/null.Enter room →
- Rm 104Waiting room camLobbyLive-ish power LED feed and a ticker of fake patients.Enter room →
Paperwork Wing
Level 1Forms · certificates · excuses
- Rm 110DNR certificateFormsName the machine. Download a screensaver.Enter room →
- Rm 111Discharge papersFormsReleased against medical advice. Still won't boot.Enter room →
- Rm 112Doctor's noteExcusePlease excuse OptiPlex — terminal Windows Update.Enter room →
- Rm 113Certificate packBundleAdmit → DNR → discharge → condolence. Full send-off.Enter room →
Chapel & Ceremony
Level 2Quiet hours preferred
Family Services
Level 2Visitors · retail · recreation
- Rm 210Visiting hours bingoVisitingMark symptoms. Bingo unlocks Code Beige.Enter room →
- Rm 211Family conferenceConferenceShould we upgrade? Every path converges on hospice.Enter room →
- Rm 212Gift shopRetailUSB urns and BSOD mugs. Checkout fails spiritually.Enter room →
- Rm 213Ward soundboardAudioFan spin-down, HDD click, XP shutdown, hold sting.Enter room →
Administration
BasementHR · not Joe 3
Quiet hours · no forced firmwareEmergencies: ST Joe's AI (corner) · Code Beige
Select a room number to enter · elevators not guaranteed